All The Things I Thought I Knew
by Fic Fairy
Summary: Four years after the Barlet administration leaves office, fireworks fly at Jed Bartlet's wake as a long kept secret is brought out into the open. Chapter 1 is up. Please R&R.


It was neither the time, nor the place. Abbey knew that. She knew that she should keep her mouth shut, keep her anger to herself. But she couldn't, not any longer. It wasn't the time or place for a confrontation but it was a confrontation she needed to have.

She wouldn't do it publicly. Couldn't. Not in front of the girls. They'd already been through enough, suffered enough, and she was going to damn well protect them from suffering any further. The truth had destroyed her. It wasn't going to do the same to them.

Instead she waited, eventually seizing the opportunity when she saw the other woman step outside, onto the portico. She glanced around, saw no one else making to follow her, and then headed out too.

CJ smiled when she saw her. It was a smile she'd seen from so many people in the last week. The sad one. The sympathetic one. The one with all the pity. It had bothered her enough when other people did it but even more so coming from her.

"How are you doing Abbey?"

She let the question hang in the air for a few seconds, and then, very coolly responded.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

She saw the confusion on the CJ's face. The fear too, as she clearly wondered if what she thought was being implied could possibly be what was actually being implied. Then apparently recovering as she told herself that it couldn't be. That Abbey couldn't possibly mean that.

"You're the one who's lost a husband."

She was good. Abbey had to give her that. But then clearly she'd always been very good. A born liar. If she hadn't been Abbey would have seen through it a long time before.

She looked at her, although it hurt to do so. Brought back the huge sense of betrayal all over again. She had to do it though. She wanted her to see the pain in her eyes as she did the big 'reveal'.

"Whereas you've just lost a lover. Is that what you mean?"

There was a silence. A long, stunned silence. CJ opened her mouth as if to respond, but nothing came. Abbey snorted, "So you've got nothing to say for yourself. Nothing you want to say about the fact you've been sleeping with my husband for 12 years?"

Finally a word, a question.

"How?"

Tears pricked Abbey's eyes as she remembered the moment two days ago when she'd made the discovery. The moment her entire world came crashing down for the second time in the space of a week. "The sentimental jackass kept your letters Claudia Jean." She spat the words, using anger to mask the pain, "That's 'how'. He kept your letters. And I found them."

CJ paled, doubtlessly, Abbey thought, remembering the contents of said letters, and reached out to touch her arm, "Abbey, I am so sorry."

Abbey shook her head, jerking her arm away, not being able to bear the physical contact, "Not as sorry as I am." She turned on CJ furiously, "How could you? We were friends and all the time you were, he was," she faltered as the tears started to flow, "you were…" she stepped off of the porch, not wanting the assembled crowd inside to see her crying. The last thing she needed was the girls rushing out to comfort her.

"It wasn't intentional." CJ said desperately as she followed her, "We never set out to hurt you."

Abbey stopped walking, and turned to look at her incredulously, "It wasn't intentional? For 12 years? 12 years Claudia Jean! I mean once I could have understood. I wouldn't have liked it, but I'd have understood. But 12 years!"

"Ok." CJ held her hands up in a gesture of defeat, "So intentional is a bad word. But Abbey, we hated what we did to you."

More incredulity, "You couldn't have hated it that much. You did it for - I repeat - 12 years."

CJ sighed, "It was complicated Abbey."

"Complicated is a simultaneous equation. Complicated is learning to speak Cantonese. Screwing someone else's husband? Not complicated. Just selfish."

CJ said nothing then, clearly out of ways to try and defend herself. She stared at the floor, too pained by the obvious heartbreak in Abbey's eyes to want to look at her any longer. Finally, hesitantly, after what seemed like forever to both of them, she spoke again.

"What can I say? What do you want me to say?"

Abbey sighed, sounding tired, and broken,

"I don't know Claudia Jean. I just don't know."

X X X

CJ had imagined the moment, the discovery, many times. You couldn't carry on with a married man for 12 years without thinking, at least once, what might happen if you got found out. She guessed, supposed, that a lot of women in her position might have longed for such a moment, but not her, she'd never been like that. Never wanted it.

Jed had asked her if she did, again on more than one occasion. It wasn't that he'd ever intended leaving Abbey, but he'd cared for her enough to want to be sure that she was completely happy with their little 'arrangement'. Which she was. She'd… well, loved spending time with him, and enjoyed their clandestine moments together but she'd never hankered after taking him away from his wife.

And this, this was horrendous. It was the worst thing she could have imagined. It would have been bad enough if Abbey had caught them en flagrante, or put the pieces together back when it all began, when they were in the White House, virtually living on top of each other, but for her to find out now, after Jed's death. Well, it was unthinkable.

She looked at Abbey who had sunk to the ground, with little regard for her no doubt extortionate suit, sat in the dirt under a spreading oak tree at the edge of the couple's property. This place had a history for all of them. They'd held campaign meetings here, the team sprawled in the shade of the tree, debating policy and strategies, getting to know each other, all those years ago. She could picture them now, all jostling for the attention of the their new boss - so invigorated, so enthusiastic. Leo, Josh, Toby, Sam. Donna too on occasion. And Abbey, the quiet yet forceful presence at The Governor's side.

But more than just a campaign HQ, it was where CJ and Jed had first kissed. Dangerously, riskily, with the entire team, and Abbey on site, during their first term. The kiss that started it all.

As she recalled it, she tried to push it from mind, aware how inappropriate it would be at that moment to get lost in the memories of Jed's lips on hers, his hand on her ass, the fingers of the other hand tangling in her hair. That said, the moment wasn't about to be forgotten. Abbey saw to that.

"You kissed him here. He kissed you here."

The letters again, she supposed. Cursing herself for having the dumb stupid romantic sensibilities to lay it all out in glorious detail in writing she sat down beside Abbey. "Yes. He did. I did."

There was another awkward silence as Abbey digested the information, nodding slowly. Then she spoke softly, nodding in the direction of the tree stump,

"Jed carved all our heights in that, every 4th of July." CJ followed Abbey's line of vision to a series of carved lines, each accompanied by initials, and felt her heart sink, hating both her lover and herself for letting the lines get so blurred, for letting their relationship intrude on an area so important to his family. It was more than CJ could bear and yet once Abbey endeavoured to make things worse.

"There's are vertical lines too." Her voice cracked as she started to cry again, "Three sets of two. The lines Jed carved to mark out the size of my baby bump on each Independence Day where I was pregnant. This tree belonged to me and my daughters," she glanced back at the house, obviously thinking about her girls there, each clad in black and mourning their father, "and their father, before Elizabeth was even born. And you've taken it away from me. How could do that to me Claudia Jean? How could you?"

There was an answer. Not much of one, but it was the only one CJ had. CJ looked over at her, knowing that far from sating her grief, her response was only going to make it a thousand times worse. Still doubting her decision to share, she took a deep breath, and then responded.

"I loved him."

She waited for the explosion, the anger she knew her comment deserved as a response, but it never came and infact, the reality was far worse. Abbey looked at her, nodded and with tears rolling down her cheeks, responded with the words of a broken woman.

"I know. And the worst thing is, he loved you too…"

X X X


End file.
